Bittersweet
by MinaGoddess
Summary: The End of an Era: Rating for Incest


**Bittersweet**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. CS Lewis and the CS Lewis estate own all.**

**Author's N: First of its kind for me; please note **incest** warning. Oh, and you might need tissues. Reviews are always welcome!**

A dance in the moonlight; does it matter how many have done so before? No, you think. Your feet hum on the grass, wet from the night's rain. As you twist and turn in his arms, you wonder at your luck, at your pure happiness. A happiness you once thought you'd never know. Oh, but this would be wrong, you think, to many, to all... but neither of you seem to be able to stop yourselves. He loves you; and you him. He spins you around, and you catch a pair of bright blue eyes; and smile at the joy which you, _you! _Have created within them. In times like these you know that you would give anything for him, _anything._ He is your sun, your moon, your wakening thought and your night-time kiss. Without him there is no you. It is why you were broken for so very long.

He captures your face in his hands, blue eyes smiling, always smiling at you, and you cannot help but smile back, leaning forward into the proffered lips which capture your own in a gentle kiss. Your feet continue their seductive dance, and as your hands find purchase on his waist, you think that maybe you can endure the long days without him. The long hours spent pretending, secretly caressing each word he says with your gaze, adoring him though never openly, watching in secret agony as he courts others of his choice. You know who he fears, and you know _why_, but as you try to remind him that you have feared worse, he becomes still, and thus the conversation is dropped; you do not want the dream you found to end so terribly quickly.

The seductively of your dance is unlike any other. It is more... refined, than any courtly coupling, as sweet as a virgin bedded in the early morn, and as satisfying as the last kiss of the sun.

There is something intimate and desperate all in one in his gaze tonight. You had sensed it from the moment he drew you from the castle, down to the wooded area you now dance within. As he dances, drawing you closer, then further apart, you see something tearing him apart inside; a battle long fought is killing him inside. You move to speak, he shakes his head. "Hush," and you do. You would do anything for him. It scares you to admit it, but the truth is... undeniable. "It is strange, is it not?" he speaks eventually, his voice so soft you have to strain to catch it.

"Strange?" you repeat.

"Aye... strange. We should not be... as we are, but... we are. And we are _happy._ We defile everything, and yet somehow we are _happy." _He gives an incredulous laugh and you struggle to keep the fear from your eyes as you reply.

"Because who we are is not impossible, is not wrong nor should it ever be."

"So you would have had me believe," he sighs. You freeze; no. He cannot... would not... be doing this. He pauses. "You know we are dreaming, do you not?" You swallow; you cannot speak, for fear of revealing all your worst nightmares. "We.... we are not supposed to be as we are. We... we should...." he paused. "I have had... a proposal, of sorts."

"Oh?" you're shaking, and you attempt to seem calm, but your heart is beating with fear. "Proposal of what?"

"Marriage." He answers quickly. Your heart grips in fear and you catch his hands before he can pull away.

"You are not thinking of considering! Tell me you are not thinking of considering," you beg. He sighs, gently pushes you away from him.

"I am.... thinking of considering," he says diplomatically.

Shaking your head, you feel sickened. "I cannot believe it." You swallow thickly, forcing a breath, forcing your heart to calm its pounding. "I... I will not,"

"Still yourself, please," he cautions, and you shake your head.

"No. No, it is too much..." you swallow, stepping back slightly. "Enough of our ... pretence. We are both honourable enough to... decide this rationally, are we not?"

"Please-"

"No!" you protested. "I will not wait for you any longer to 'decide' whether you love me!" A sharp intake – ah, you have him... yet the victory you wanted is not as sweet as you'd hoped. It leaves a sour taste in your mouth; a sour certainty. "By the name of Aslan, our father, I present you the case that you must decide here and now" You're babbling words you don't even understand, panic mixed with the words of a court case, and yet, you know the outcome already. You are not called Just for nothing.

"You would know my decision," he speaks soundly, and you hate him for his calm. "This will bring peace to our people"

"They are already pacified!" Your voice is almost a shriek, but you do not care. You could not care less if a thousand guards overheard – the time for secrecy is now over, you have decided. "We have brought peace!"

"We can continue to keep it..." he speaks as though pacifying a purulent child.

"Who is she?!" you demand with venom. "What whore are they asking you to saddle?!"

He shakes his head, glances away; you feel sick. "No whore," he promises. "_He_... is a Prince. A noble prince." You close your eyes, you feel as though the world might collapse under you, for indeed everything within it, everything you strove so hard to keep, is beginning to.

"I..." but you cannot speak. "Why bring me here, today? Why do this now if you plan to... to leave me?"

"To say goodbye" his gentle voice replies. You feel sick. _Goodbye??_

"No..."

"Aye. Everything we are flounders against the laws of God, Aslan, and all that we hold dear. Even if we could win the people here, we could not in England, their minds are too closed. I will love you still," he confesses, and your head jerks up to meet his, eyes streaming with unshed tears. "but only as I must; as I am bidden to do... nothing more."

You swallow. "I do not wish to hold your love against your will," you say, somewhat ironically. He smiles – smiles! – as your heart slowly breaks.

"You will not," he assures, turning to leave.

"Wait..." you plead softly. He turns briefly, a shadow of guilt and impatience crossing his face. "When are you to wed?"

"In three sunsets," he answers.

"Oh..." you force a deep breath. Look up, slowly stand. "I will always be here... for you, if y... you ever..."

"I will not," he says sharply. Your head drops back down, you squeeze your eyes tightly closed. You won't let him see how much that hurts you, though you're sure its obvious anyhow.

"Never again?"

"Never again."

"As you wish," your voice is hard, cold, and for a moment you felt like the child who had once accepted sweets from a stranger in a strange land. You hesitate; breathe your last request. "A kiss goodbye?"

He turns sharply, his eyes cold as steel, blue shining bright. "Nay." He pauses, eyes drifting to your lips before up into your eyes again. "Nay," he repeats, before stepping briefly forward. Your breath catches; he is so, so close... yet so far.

"Please...." you breathe.

"Nay," he whispers, his voice a little uncertain. "Nay," he leans forward, catching your lips in a bittersweet kiss. Your hands press against his chest as you kiss, his go about your waist, pulling you so close you cannot breathe; yet you do not care.

"Peter!" You gasp out his name into his mouth, and a second later you wish you hadn't as he seems to awaken from whatever trance he was in, and pushes you away, causing you to stumble, your back hitting against the nearby tree.

"Goodbye, Edmund," he whispers, and walks away.

**Finis.**


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